I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
