I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
