you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
