Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
