so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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