I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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