she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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