at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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