And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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