just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
