Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
