would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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