Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
