how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
ugly people sure do ruin things
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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