jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
