this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
