I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize