is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
