i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
