we have officially lost it.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
