I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
