Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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