Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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