Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
