i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
