I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
