the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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