Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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