i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Barsexuality is the new black.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
