Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
