Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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