God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He? As in you personified your dick?
So vagazzling was a success
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
