Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize