I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
