The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
