i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
