Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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