I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
