she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
