I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
