is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize