worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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