Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
