I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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