There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
