apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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