I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
