So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
