Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
