Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
