Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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