I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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