I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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