I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize