Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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