I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
