So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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