$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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