Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
