I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
