8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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