I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
it was like eating out sand paper
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
