Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
