my vag is so smooth its legendary
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
