even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
