I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
