Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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