You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
thus making me awesome and them whores
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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