Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
