Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
