Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
