I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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