I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize