Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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