So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
