My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
