How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize