Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
