new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
