$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
