her vagine was all disorganized.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
