May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize