I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
