need another drink. this is the easiest way
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
