i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
