Why does Corona taste like a burp?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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