bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
