3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
