I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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