i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
