do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
